Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
