I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
