So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
