she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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