I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
