Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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