matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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