she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
