Moan for me like Helen Keller
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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