sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize