I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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