Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
