Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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