Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
