I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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