my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
