I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
