He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
