Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
