I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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