I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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