New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
