Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
