oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
