Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We are all done wearing pants today
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
