Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
