I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
