i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
