I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize