I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
