just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
