i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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