i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
