After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
