I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
