I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
