I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
