maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
