he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
