I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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