the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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