O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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