Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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