hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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