He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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