he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
