he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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