I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
