He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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