u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My ass is underappreciated
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
