Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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