Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
