the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
