ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
