I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think your dad took our porno
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
