I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
