i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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