There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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