the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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