She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
