What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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