What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
