I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
