OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You took a bar mat shot.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
