I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
