I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
