Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
