Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
