Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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