Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think my moral compass just broke
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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