Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
