fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
