I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
did you just send me my own nude
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
pray to the hookup gods
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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