ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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