I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
