I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
