just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
