i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
