he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
