Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
