is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
