The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
