mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
