4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize