We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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