Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
