don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
