i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
