I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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