she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
