Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
