i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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