who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
