I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
