dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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